We are now in New Mexico, the land of enchantment… or so their license plate claims. Because we had the next day off, Las Cruces became our big party night. 24 hrs of debauchery in New Mexico, filled with drinking games, a 3 legged dog, bowling and 300 six packs.
Oh what a memorable night this was. This was the evening of bonding. The show was at this house called the Farm out on some desolate dirt road in Las Cruces. (In the morning we realized, it bordered both a beautiful orchard and a junkyard.) We were surprised to find over 40 kids there on a monday night. Everyone was definitely friendly. I poured a shot of whiskey in a guy named Tucker’s 40 bottle as he engaged Nat and I in a discussion that somehow led to an image of him making out with his babysitter. This led to Nat vocalizing the phrase ” a six year old’s tongue” which then led to an awkward silence…. I often wonder how families end up in cities like this. After talking to some other folks, I learned that Las Cruces is outside of a missile base. Many families were stationed there because of this. The show itself was awesome. And afterwards, we decided we would all crash there at the house, so the partying began…. While people were playing fuss-ball in the living room, Akimbo introduced some new drinking games to us. The shakey face game, was hands down the most entertaining. You loosen you jowls, and shake your face as hard as you can while someone takes a picture…. if you shake it hard enough, you can hear it too….probably one of the more unpleasant sounds in the world….
Earlier in the day I had made a total impulse buy — an elvis flask! It also came with an elvis pocket knife and bottle opener. After drowning Elvis in a shower of Maker’s Mark, I was starting to feel warm and fuzzy. T from Green Milk was taking advantage of having the next day off, and started swiping my flask every five seconds. With every swig, he sang “Presley” songs … “Love me tender” being the only one he knew, was the soundtrack for the night… It was pretty hilarious, by 5 am, I think T had consumed 75% of my bottle of whiskey, a twelve pack of beer and 5 cheeseburgers. At this point as he so finely put it, he was ‘DRUNK UP’.
I think we all disappeared onto random couches that night. By 6 am everyone was fast asleep. A few hours later, I awoke to the sounds of Ellery from the Mall grinding some coffee he had brought from SF. Thank you Ellery! Since we had an entire day off…. we knew we had to spend it wisely. So we decided our vacation destination would be El Paso…. This was going to be an action packed day. Except it took us 3 hrs to leave the house we stayed at and another 3 hrs to actually leave las Cruces. We decided to hit up a thrift store that our new friend Tucker had given us the scoop on. Apparently in Las Cruces, you can get a whole pound of clothes for 25 cents! As well as other random paraphernalia. Nat of Akimbo lucked out and got a gigantic boxing glove beer cozy. Quite appropriate. I found a dream catcher for the mall van. We were hoping it might also ward off the cops and our future speeding tickets. Then it was off to an auto parts shop, Akimbo had to fix the shocks on their van. Meanwhile we kicked it in town and saw a 3-legged dog that had fallen down a manhole.
Then we were off to El Paso. We made sure to by-pass Juarez. Motel 6 was to be our home for the night. While I took a shower, Akimbo cracked some beers. Soon after the party had started. Our posse decided to split up. Half of us went bowling, while the other half went to go see 300. I was part of the crew that witnessed 300 Spartans armed with their six packs (muscles not beers), raise their spears ‘for Sparta!’
Afterwards we all joined forces as a bowling league and drank buds out of bottles shaped like bowling pins. Good times. I want to mention hear that Brian from Yip Yip has the most fascinating bowling style. His bowling ball literally “catches air” for about half it’s journey down the lane… it was almost like he was playing frisbee. Amazing, and it’d be a strike. While Dan and Ace were wowing us with their black belt in bowling, Jon from Akimbo and I were competing for biggest bowling loser of all time. On our last frame, Jon tried to get me to wager with him on my booking fee. He wins. I booked this tour for free. I win. Akimbo pay me double. Fortunately we tied for the lowest score, and no bad blood was shed. After bowling, we caravan back to motel 6 and watched some bad television until we all passed out.